How Do I Move Forward Without His Remorse.

I have been livid since being told I need to have speech and cognitive therapy.  I was told after I pressed charges that he will never ever have remorse nor say sorry.  The domestic violence counselor, the prosecutor, the therapists, the doctors and friends all say he is sick and incapable of remorse.  They tell me not to let that one day define who I am or my life.  I don’t know how to do it. I’m angry because he lived in the past for most of our relationship caring more about not upsetting his ex or mother who tried to the very to cause problems.

He lied and lied and lied and his actions were consistent in demonstrating I never counted, but it’s my fault I stayed so long. In the end he slammed me into that wall with so much force that it has caused devestating damage that I am reminded of him every single second of  day.  He is so arrogant he thinks my desire for contact is because I still want him when in reality all I want is a sincere apology and show of remorse.  He doesn’t seem to take what he did seriously – my life has changed and every day is a struggle because I can’t do the most simplest chores.  I can’t drive, I can’t play on the swings, I can’t play basketball with my son…I can’t look to the left, I have headaches, I was depressed, I am…blah blah blah…the list of “I can’t” is long.  Yes, I feel bitter because he gets to move on telling me talking to me about my medical needs causes stress for him.  I am angry because he can plan his future and his bike trips and his vacations while my life is on idle until I can look to the left without feeling sick.  I want him to show he is sorry.  I want him to genuinely care but he isn’t capable.  His mother did a number on him never allowing him to ever feel or process. He grew up being told to “suck it up.” She never assumes responsibility for anything that came out of her mouth nor any of her actions.  I have never met someone so cold and callous, her and his ex are women I only heard about, and sadly he couldn’t detangle himself from their poisonous web by setting boundaries so he lived in the past while destroying the now.  How many ex wives ask their ex husbands if they are sleeping with their girlfriend. REALLY!  I should have left…I should have left I should have left I should have left after the first time he lied….but I didn’t so here I am.


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