He was too selfish to have an interest in me or what I was doing. He was nice to me up until his hearing and then he was back to his old self. A total pompous ass wipe. Anyway, I’m sure you all can relate. Vinny loves to gaslight to the point that he drove me insane. As I’ve stepped away from him I realize how dangerous he was. I was shocked…well, not really…yes, really. It’s one thing to lie about this or that but this man was planning on legally screwing me. After I initially learned of his plans, he said they were just things he had only thought, but this week I lear
ned he was going to do much more. It’s really really scary. He also lied about how he was being firm with his ex – If you have to brag and yell about it then you’re lying, and he was. I don’t respect him, haven’t for a long time. I go back and forth between feeling empowered to feeling being fearful and scared. Looking back I always felt I was walking on egg shells because if he got mad he would stop talking to me and distance himself. I didn’t understand this was also a way of control. A friend who runs a non-profit for bullying told me I probably have Stockholm Syndrome. At first I thought she was nuts, but now I’m not so sure. Feeling fearful of what he may do if I don’t behave is what is making me think something else is going on. I felt empowered for most of the day, but now I’m frightened. He is extremely dangerous, almost as if he’s two people, and when I learned that he was on Tinder and how he was planning to screw me legally, I realized this man is not capable of love or feeling. He is cold. How can he have an attachment to anybody. He certainly didn’t have an attachment to me to have lied and treated me the way he did. This ass hole verbally went after me knowing how fragile I am right now. How sensitive to noise I am. How scared I get. He can’t be human, can he? I don’t know. I’m not sure where I was going with this..I believe I have been with someone not capable of love. My novelty wore off when I began to question his actions and point out the inconsistent stories. My fault I stayed, but I’m far from perfect and have my own baggage stemming from growing up with a narcissistic mother…It’s been an uphill road so I will do what I can to get through this because I’ve come too far to go back. I wish I would have never spoken to him after his arrest. I wish I would have stayed away from him.
Narcissist’ s controlling and manipulation techniques
Gaslighting is a subtle, underground maltreatment, that can go unnoticed by the victim until it is too late. It penetrates you but it’s difficult to identify. Gaslighting is ambiguous, diffused, it is a dangerous kind of abuse. It leave no trace and you can’t prove it. Ambient abuse is perpetrated by dropping certain hints, by disorienting, its aim is to make you doubt your own sanity so that you are always left wondering what the narcissist is thinking and feeling. Don’t waste time trying to find out their motives or try to understand why they feel or think the way they do because it leads nowhere. Just accept you are a source of supply and move on. Gaslighting over a prolonged period of time can damage the victim sense of self and self esteem for a long time.
The first two were his favorite form of torture. I found this in http://infoselfdevelopment.com/covert-narcissism-know-your-emotional-abuser/ – there is much I relate to. Sigh…I wish someone would have told me about covert narcissism a few years ago…would have saved myself much heartache and physical damage.
Silent treatment is used by narcissists who withdraw when confronted and is also a form of punishment they employ when you refuse to accommodate their needs. They ignore you out of the blue for as long as it takes, until you give up your own needs and agree to do whatever the narcissist wants you to do. Until you end up apologizing even, if they were in the wrong.
Divide and conquer is an approach used to isolate their victim. They’ll find out everything about you, your past, your secrets and use them against you, making you look bad while they are seen by everyone else as a perfect, loving and caring individual.