Abuser, My Story, Uncategorized

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I’m curious to see what you think, so honest feedback please.  My struggle in moving forward has been in his inability to own what he did.  For example, he referrs to the bruises on my neck as being on my shoulder and not clavicle and neck.   He has turned mutual business contacts who were supportive and kind against me because he lied about what happened that night.  So now a possible job offer and classes which were offered is no longer available.  Instead of working on his anger in therapy his focus has been on “what I did to provoke him.”  That’s what’s at the root of all this, that even after the damage he has caused to my brain he continues to blame me. So, last night I decided to hire forensic specialists to examine the photos and my medical notes so there’s one document that will withstand his lies, but then why do I care.  01eafae882cf022c89159a8e567d2b95789977aea8I care because I can’t forgive myself for staying with him despite knowing better and because I allowed him to take everything from me including my dignity.  My difficulty in letting go comes from not forgiving myself for falling for the lies and allowing him to get to me so much that I wanted to die.  I know I should go because over and over he has proven to be a dangerous and violent criminal who is void and is unable to be empathetic and take responsibility for his actions. I know I need to let it go, but on the other hand I see that as yet another time I allowed him to shit all over me.

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9 thoughts on “WHAT DO YOU THINK?”

  1. He likes control. The fact he gets people to go against you is what he gets his highs off of to be able to manipulate your situation. You should not live in shame as you are only human and strong and beautiful. You opening up takes so much courage. My own father ..my own dad who always said I was his little girl continues to tell people how I didn’t want to help him. And how I did so many things. I have people coming to me asking if I’m okay in the head because of him and I don’t bother to stress on them as I remove and distance as much as I can. Putting NEW positive influences in your life will help you get through this. Having positive influences will help you seek you. You are in pain and you have ALL the right to be..you have all the right to be pissed, mad , sad, ANYTHING! It’s truly does hurt and suck how people can be and even believe such things. But as soon as you remove any contact with him and the people he knows and you begin healing and begin to succeed with the things you love that’s where you begin healing more. He is trying to do everything and anything to get control over you but the strong person you are knows better and standing up and putting your foot down was your first step. You know I have read your story and I can’t say much as I wasn’t in a relationship but to witness my mom getting hit by my dad and him mentally abusing us I wish my mom had the courage you have. Please surround yourself with positive people. Therapy if you haven’t. I just started and having a person who knows NOTHING about me and for her to notice all the wrongs they are doing gives you space to breath. Stay strong my friend. You will get through this

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    1. Thank you for this lovely note. I can’t tell you how much your support means as I go through this. It makes me feel sane – I feel as though I was brain washed – scary to think I allowed for someone to drive me to want to kill myself. It’s sad, isn’t it. Since I cut off all contact I have felt more at peace and I have a plan in motion so I can recover faster. The SOB hit me so hard that I still can’t drive. Part of it is psychological since I have flashbacks to how violently my head turned when he hit me. Trying to address that has been hard…Everything about this is hard.

      You are young and I admire your strength in doing what you are doing and cutting off ties with your father. Just because he took part in making you doesn’t give him a free pass to be abusive. Sadly, he or my ex will never change but I guess we can turn this ugly negative to a positive by breaking the cycle.

      Take care and thanks again for your support. I really appreciate it.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Of course no problem I value the importance of sharing my thoughts to those with similar feelings. I admire you for taking control not for anyone but for yourself. I will say it will continue to be hard but the fact that you don’t give up is so important because in the matter of time you will heal. Keep strong you are a survivor be proud as not many get to say the same. Continue to share your story and change lives! Take care as well have an amazing rest of your weekend 🙂

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  2. I am so sorry you are going through this. Please try to not blame yourself. I know it’s hard, I’ve been through something similar. But you don’t deserve this and there is nothing on the planet that could give him the right to treat you this way. These men are incredibly manipulative and they end up trapping you in a kind of a prison. and it makes leaving even harder and scarier. You are incredibly brave for sharing your story online. I wish you all the best.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Anyone can fall prey to this type of person. They don’t wear masks. They are often charming and kind, at least at first. All the people who believe their lies have been taken by them too. There are probably very few of us who have not been taken by them, many don’t even know it. Those of us who have been abused by them wear the scars. But those who believe them and do their bidding play a part in our pain. They believe them just as we did. You cannot fight this type of insanity and keep yourself sane. My life has been riddled with these type of people and I have lost everything and everyone in my life. When they are your family, it is even harder to break the ties. There is no place in our hearts to understand or process this type of betrayal. I do hope you can find a safe and trained therapist to help you… as this is something others don’t understand easily… not the gravity of it. I am sorry for all that happened to you. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story.

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    1. I’m beginning to come to the same conclusion since trying to “prove” he’s a liar is taking more out of me. I’m glad I will never understand people like him and other cowards who lack self love and confidence that they have to hurt. I’m glad I will never understand…My focus is shifting to myself in doing what I need to do to break the cycle. I have a daughter and I want better for her…

      Thanks for the support and sharing your story. We are lucky to have broken free 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Breaking free and focusing on yourself is healthy for you. I know that it does not take away the pain. And comes with a new set of anguish. What you are doing is not easy. I hope you have a good support system to help you.

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